The Bachelorette Theory

I've sacrificed hours, days, summing up to weeks, of my life watching reality shows. For a while I thought it was just wasted time. Then, while I was talking to a friend about my favorite subject (my statistical likelihood of being single forever), all those hours spent staring zombie-like at the TV culminated to create what I like to call my "Bachelorette Theory".

The shows I liked the most were the dating ones, especially when the woman was the center of attention. 25 decent-looking guys vying for the attention of one girl... kinda gives me a flashblack to Spelman days. With that many choices you really get the chance to sort though the crowd to find the hidden gem.

So here's my theory:
Black women only have roughly a 40% chance of getting married once, and we all know the divorce statistics. If I have to live with those numbers over my head, I might as well treat my life like a dating game too. White girls aren't special! Give me (or anyone) 20-25 decent guys to choose from, and I guarantee I (or you) can find the man of my (or your) dreams.

Here's how the theory works: First you have to get over the idea of the "one" right person for you. We've all experienced that one we thought would be THE ONE, but face it y'all, we're older now, and still single. Forget love at first sight, and concentrate on long-term compatibility.

Next: This is real life, and I'm not a supermodel blonde, so we gotta add some ghetto-proof bachelor qualification rules:

1. You gotta be SINGLE- Not "I'm with someone, but she's cool w/ me talking to other girls". No empty ring finger w/ a suspiciously light indentation. DEFINITELY no on-the-side "friends, with benefits"!

2.The jobless need not apply! Not to hate, but I need all my money, and some of yours too. Your know the saying, "What's yours is mine..."

3. I'm not pregnant, so I don't think I'm ready for a man with any kids.... Really though, I don't want none of your baby mama drama. We can take plenty of time to make beautiful children together.

4. I'm imposing the age limit of 25-32. If you're as fine as Morris Chestnut or Brad Pitt, that rule can be overlooked, at my discretion.

5. You gotta have your own place. Nothing is worse than having to date a man's momma just to get a little closer to him.

And here's the DEAL-BREAKER!

5. You gotta be able to "go down" the path less traveled. I feel a little funny about including that, but without this one the whole game is off! Come on men, it's 2005! Do it, like it, love it! Love is a give and a take, and I can take a whole lot for the right man! Show me you can too.

Other than that, unless you have some kind of obvious defect, I am open to anything.

Those are my rules and I think they're fair. Stick them, and I believe my theory has a 99.95% chance of working out. The guidelines are flexible.
And I think 25 men is plenty of room for error, detours, and bad judgement.

Of course, I live in Idaho, and I can't really say that I'm an "equal opportunity lover", so it will be a while until I can really set my plan in action. But when I do, watch out! And if anyone else tries my theory, your results will be great appreciated!